Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
