I CAN MOONWALK!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Oh god it's open bar.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
