So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
