margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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