Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
