Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
