idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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