Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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