every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is Oprah even human
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
