He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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