Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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