just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
