u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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