So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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