Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
