Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
