Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I look better un-naked...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
