So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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