My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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