Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If I die, sorry about rent.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
