I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
