It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
