as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
