twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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