you guys were way drunker than both of me
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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