pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
