Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
