Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
