you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
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Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
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Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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