The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
