That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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