i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You're like the curious george of whores
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
