i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
