last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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