I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
