I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
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