if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
