can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
