I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
