I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
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I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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