trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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