His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I am available for nakedness
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
