At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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