She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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