question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
