All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
