You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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