i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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