you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
