R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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