everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
