New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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