she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
