Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
