i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
