Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
