So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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