and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize