I'm really into asian looking animals
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
