i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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