Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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